


You're My Boy

by tyomawrites



Category: BlacKkKlansman (2018)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Cheating, Despite the violence, Dubious Consent, Extremely Dubious Consent, F/M, Feelings are dumb, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Humiliation, M/M, Manipulation, Multi, Reader-Insert, Sexual Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-12
Updated: 2019-02-22
Packaged: 2019-10-08 16:52:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17390093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tyomawrites/pseuds/tyomawrites
Summary: Felix Hendrickson was not a man you should have liked, wasn't a man you should have trusted, but somewhere beneath that manic wide eyed stare and his hostility, he was pretty sweet. You still shouldn't have kissed him though.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not one for writing about characters like Felix, but he's played by Jasper Paakkonen who I absolutely adore, so uh, take this fic with a grain of salt. I know Felix is married to Connie canonically, but I like to think his homophobia is also very very internalised.
> 
>  
> 
> Let me have this.

You were lucky, a lucky guy. Your father never stuck around and you were lucky enough to have your mother’s genes passed down to you, slicked back blond hair and bright brown eyes, light as can be skin. You were never suspected of being even remotely black, remotely at risk for getting attacked on the street, it made life so much simpler for you.

Meeting Felix Hendrickson in the street was possibly the best and worst possible thing that could have happened in your life. The man was all sharp angles and sly smirks and glances. Everything about Felix made you want to run and hide but also stand with your shoulders pushed back and your head held high. He made you want to be a coward but he also made you want to fight him at every turn. Everything about him made your blood burn and your skin tight. He was a horribly attractive man with the ugliest personality, but you fancied him nonetheless.

Felix wasn’t a man you should have been hanging out with, shouldn’t have been interested in, in every way. You knew from your cousin on the Force when you were dropping off food to him, that he was part of something bigger, you knew he was a racist, homophobic and a selfish asshole, worst of all you knew the kind of man he was and that he was part of the Klan. Felix Hendrickson wasn’t a good man and you knew it.

But it didn’t stop the heat that flooded your cheeks when he gave you a sly charming smirk over the counter at your job. You were only around the front desk at your job when the usual girl was out and when Felix Hendrickson walked into the store you almost dropped what you were holding. He wandered through the aisles for a while, while you served a girl who brought up a can of soda. You smiled at her, handing her change and gave her a nod on the way out. Felix was next in line, carrying some microwavables and a case of beer, grinning at you.

“It’s a fine day outside ain’t it.” He smiled at you.

“It looks like it.” You peeked your head over the counter to stare at the sky from the door. “I wouldn’t mind some rain though, I’m not too much a fan of the sun.” You gave him a nervous smile as he handed a few bills over to you.

“A little rain might do my wife’s garden some good.” He nodded as you poked the buttons on the cash register.

“How is Connie?” You looked up from the green numbers.

“She’s doing well, thank you for asking. Your cousin still doin’ alright, he’s on the force ain’t he?”

“Yeah. He’s doin well, havin a good ol’ time dealing with them folk coming down for them rallies and all that.” You handed him his change. “I try not to get involved with all that though, stay out of drama and trouble, keep my momma safe.”

“If you’d like sometime, I could come around, help you and your momma out if you’re worried about them niggers bothering her.” He leaned his arms on the counter.

You chuckled sheepishly, keeping your eyes off the way Felix’s shirt sat snugly around his chest, the buttons straining. “Nah it’s alright Felix.” You put his meals into a plastic bag, and handed them over to him, looking down at the case of beer cans. “You having a party?”

“Just a small get together. Maybe you could come. Friday night at me and Connie’s place, if you’re worried bout getting home I’ll have Connie do up the guest room, don’t think any of us would be good to drive you.”

“I’d like that. Would do good to give my momma some peace and the house to herself for a night.” You nodded. “Can I grab the address from you now?” You scrambled for a pen and scrap of paper.

“Yes, of course.” He grabbed the pen from you, scribbling down his address and sliding the piece of paper over the counter. “We’ll see you tonight. 

Friday night rolled around too quick, entirely too quick for you to be prepared when you were picked up by Flip, who heard that Felix had invited you over to drink with him and his boys. He parked around the corner and walked you down to Felix’s front door, eyes wide and a hand across your back as Connie greeted the two of you.

You sat by Felix’s right as most the men in front of you were drinking and laughing with each other. Connie had served you all a wonderful plethora of snacks, smiling sweetly. It wasn’t long before most the guys were uproariously clapping each other on the back, standing around, doing stupid things with with guns and hands.  You tried your best to stay out of their way, until Felix grabbed your arm and pulled you up to join them, handing you a gun.

“Go on boy,” He clapped your back, from behind you, lifting your hand with your gun, leading your hand, basically moving it for you. “Show us what you got.” He laughed in your ear. You felt your eyebrow twitch, eyes slightly blurred as you lined up your sight.

“I don’t think I should do this inside Felix.” You mumbled, as he chuckled and you felt his breath against your ear and cheek.

“Smart.” He pulled the gun from your hand. “I wouldn’t want you shooting any of my walls anyway boy.

“Yeah.” You rubbed the back of your head and moved to drop yourself onto the recliner Felix was on earlier, smiling up at him.

You weren’t too keen on drunk men waving guns around and laughing at each other, pointing them at each other although the pleasant buzz in your stomach was a good feeling. It finally got late, and you’d gone through another three or four, maybe five drinks by the time the others left. You were still half dozing on Felix’s recliner when you were shaken awake, Felix’s hand on your shoulder.

“You need some help getting to the guest room boy?” He met your eyes. Felix looked so intense, he always did, when he gave you sly smirks.

“Uh…” You tried standing on your own, stumbling and yelping slightly when Felix caught you.

“You don’t drink much do you?” He looped your arms over his shoulders and hauled you towards the stairs, deceptively strong with his lithe frame and multiple layers that hid most the bulk on his chest. “Fucking lightweight.”

You chuckled against him. “I don’t drink at all much lately.” You admitted as he pushed the door open and dumped you onto the guest bed. “I do dumb things when I’m drunk.” You felt Felix’s chest rumble against you as he chuckled.

“Dumb things huh?” He sat next to you on the bed. “You done a lot of those? To know that you’re gonna do something stupid?” He still had a dumb arm around you, bracing you in a sitting position. You took a breath, shaking your head.

“I don’t think it’s anything important y’know?” You forced a smile at him.

“You ain’t hiding some big secret are you?” You practically heard him frown. “You know I’m real friendly boy, but I’m only friendly to my friends. So if you’re hiding something from me, I’ll find out you know.”

“I ain’t hidin’ shit from you Felix.” You raised your eyes to meet his. “I just don’t wanna accidently do some dumb shit because I’m drunk.” You playfully shoved him away. He grabbed your wrist, squeezing it.

“So tell me why you’re always lookin all nervous when I come see you, huh?” He muttered, eyes wide and bugged, staring at your face, searching it for anything that would give you away. 

“I’m… I’m not nervous around ya Felix.” You barely managed to get it out of your mouth as he leaned in intimidatingly. Screw this unfairly intimidating and attractive man in front of you. You clenched your jaw when he clicked his tongue, before you surged forward, and shoved your face against his, a spur of the moment clumsy attempt of a kiss. You didn’t close your eyes, too preoccupied with the absolute shock that was in Felix’s eyes as he sat motionless.

After a good minute he finally shoved you away, breathing heavily. “What the fuck was that?” He snarled at you, his eyes were bugged out and wide, lips curled back.

“The goddamn dumb shit you’re so fuckin’ curious about.” You hunched your shoulders.

“You’re a fuckin fag? That it?”

“No I’m not a fuckin fag. I’m not into other men you asshole. Apparently it’s just you.” You rubbed your face harshly. “That’s what I meant by dumb shit, I start drinking and you start popping into my head unannounced.”

“I ain’t no fucking fag boy.”

“I fucking know that Felix I’m not tryin to imply that you are one!” You tucked your head into your hands. “You don’t fuckin, you wouldn’t get it!” You stood, heading towards the door. “It’s best I head home. I can’t stay here tonight.”

Before you could even leave the room he grabbed your bicep, pulling you back towards the bed and shutting the door behind him. “You ain’t goin’ anywhere until I let you boy.” A psychopath like Felix shouldn’t have been making heat curl in the pit of your stomach as he stared you down, looking like he was about to murder you for even doing something like you just did. He began stripping out of his button up, revealing a white wife-beater underneath the green fabric. He tossed the shirt to the side, stalking over to you and gripping your shoulders before shoving you down onto the bed.

“You think I don’t know what’s goin’ through your head boy?” He growled at you. “Sayin I won’t get it, like I’m some kind of idiot.” He pulled off his wife-beater, flexing as he shoved you back onto the bed.

“I’m not blind and I’m sure as hell not dumb.” He narrowed his eyes at you. “Take your shit off.” He ordered, tucking his thumbs into the waistband of his trousers. When you hesitated he stepped forward, glaring at you.

“Now!”

You scrambled at your flannel, pulling it off and tossing it to the end of the bed, tugging your undershirt over your head. You hesitated at your jeans, eyes dropping down to them before meeting Felix’s eyes.

“All of it.” His voice was firm. You took a deep breath before tucking your thumbs into your waistband and shoving them and your boxer briefs down your legs. His eyes darkened as he prowled forward. He looked like he was going to eat you alive. You flinched when his fingers brushed against your jaw, trailing down to your chin before he grabbed your throat and squeezed, taking you by surprise.

“You think I never noticed how you couldn’t look at me?” He rasped as he leaned in to your ear. “Fucking knew you were thinking about me.” You felt his other hand grope your chest, trailing down your side before grabbing your ass. “Did you spend nights drunk and thinking about me touching your dick? Did you want my dick up your ass, or down your throat?” You whimpered at how dirty he made you feel, as he tightened his grip on your throat. “Get on your fucking knees boy.” He shoved you off the bed and onto the ground, your knees hitting the rug that covered the hardwood floors.

You were eye-level with his crotch, well aware of the bulge that was in front of you. He probably was getting off on humiliating you and how you reacted to him, like scared prey in front of a predator. He chuckled darkly, his free hand fiddling with his belt, unbuckling it as he held your chin, tilting your head up to look at him. A blush covered your face when you realized he was commando beneath his trousers, his eyebrow raised when your cheeks went red.

“Oh you like this.” He nudged his boot against your crotch, grinning when he felt your hard on. “You like getting treated like this huh?” He slapped your cheek with his cock, a wide, maniac smile on his face. “You like getting put in your place?” He let go of your chin to slap the side of your face, his wedding ring breaking the skin on your cheek.

“Answer me you fucking whore.” He glared down at you. You felt tears prick in the corner of your eyes, as he pressed his foot against your crotch.

“Only when you do it.” You said firmly, letting out a deep breath as you raised your eyes to meet his. “I ain’t letting anyone else do this shit to me.” Felix chuckled at that.

“Good boy. You’re mine now you understand that?” He shoved his thumb past your teeth, wrenching your jaw down and raised his other eyebrow expectantly. You got the gist of what he was asking, sticking out as much of your tongue as far as you could, waiting for him to do something. He smiled, slapping his cock against your tongue before sliding the hand on your chin into your hair and shoving your head forward, and his cock down your throat. You gagged as he groaned, hands instantly coming to push against his thighs. He tsked above you, pushing your head further onto his cock as his other hand knocked away one of your hands.

“If you really can’t breath. Tap with one hand on my thigh. The other one on your knee.” He ordered as he began to start a slow thrusting rhythm into your throat, reveling in your gags as he forced you to breathe through your nose. You kept one hand splayed on his thigh like he ordered, the other on your knee, curled into a fist. It felt like an eternity when he used your throat, fingers curled tightly into your hair and yanking it, making your scalp ache as he groaned and let out soft moans that made heat curl in your stomach. After a while he pulled your head away from him, chuckling darkly at the spit that coated your lips, your cheeks flushed deeply, all the way down to your chest as you panted, trying to catch your breath.

“Bed. Now.” He began stepping out of his trousers, frowning when his boots got in the way. As he bent down to deal with them, you stumbled to your feet, still trying to catch your breath before steadying yourself against the bed, and then laying onto it. “Hands and knees!” He stood as an imposing figure, even with his clothes off, his cheeks and chest flushed. Your stomach clenched when you saw his arms flex as he stepped closer to you.

You flipped onto your hands and knees, nervously watch Felix come up behind you, eyes trained on your bare back and arse basically presented to him. You felt his hand run across your back, before he swatted at your arse, laughing when you yelped, letting out a sharp noise and a whine immediately after when he grabbed where he swatted.

You could hear the breathlessness in his voice when he started to mutter to himself. He got onto the bed, You felt it dip next to your knees as he began to run both his hands over your arse, gripping and spreading and teasing you.

“This.” He squeezed your ass and smiled at the whine you let out. “Is mine you understand that?” He growled, leaning in to bite the flesh of the side of your hip roughly. His fingers pressed against your hole, slick with spit. He tentatively sunk them both straight into you to the first knuckle. Motivated by the gasp you made, he reached over to the bedside table, leaning over you and rummaged through the first drawer, pulling out a pump bottle of lube that looked half used. He removed his fingers for a moment, before coating them as you watched. He grinned at you, one eyebrow twitching as he pushed both his fingers back in further. Your whine turned into a whimper as he began to curl them slightly inside you while pushing deeper, down to the hilt until they were fully seated inside you and he could tease that spot inside you that you could barely find yourself. Your thighs twitched as you pushed back against his hand and it seemed to amuse him, how eager you were despite how he spat insults at you earlier.

“Look at you. Taking my fingers so well, tight as can be.” He drawled, propping himself up on his knees, pressing his hips to yours, grinning when you began to  push back against him even more, against his length as it lay against you. You gritted your teeth and clenched around his fingers, arching your back and propping your hips, tilting them towards him. Felix teased you with his fingers for a little bit longer before pulling them out. You could hear him pressing the pump to the lube bottle and slick sounds of his hands on skin, before you felt the head of his cock press against your ass. The man had a reason to behave like an alpha male, as he gripped the back of your neck, pulling you onto his thick girth. Your steady whine as he began pushing in devolved into a mewl as you heard him groan, heavy and breathless behind you.

“Fuck you feel like heaven!” Felix gasped, his hands grabbing your hips to guide you further onto his cock. “I’m going to keep you as my personal fuck toy, my sweet tight piece of ass, you’d like that? Huh boy?” He jeered from behind you, as he finally buried into you to the hilt. The burn and the stretch of his cock inside you already had you leaking pre-cum as the tip of your cock rubbed against your stomach, smearing it across your skin. His fingers dug into your hips as he began to brutally thrust into you, roughly slamming his cock into your arse as his blunt nails dug into your skin, marking you, causing you to bleed.

You stuffed your mouth against the pillow he gave you. The feather filled bag doing very little to muddled the noises that came out of your mouth. Felix swore from behind you and suddenly your head was yanked back by your hair, and Felix was pressed even closer to you, chest to back as his hand wrapped over your mouth, painfully rough as he held his hand over your mouth. “Fuckin be quiet boy!” He hissed as he began to thrust into you, a rough, stilted rhythm that made you jerk forward from the burn. You whimpered behind the hand over your mouth as he slid his other hand around your throat, squeezing as he pressed his chest to your back, moaning and gasping in your ear as he brutally fucked you, pinning you down onto the bed. You wrapped your arms around the pillow, clutching it close as Felix slammed into you over and over again, taking what he wanted from. Your stomach clenched and twisted, listening to him mutter and growl into your ear, breath puffing over the cuff of your ear. He growled and snarled insults and curses into your ear.

“You’re a good fuck you know that.” He moved his hand from his throat to yank at your messed up hair. “Goddamn tightest ass I’ve ever had.” The words made your cock twitch and your fingers tremble as you dug them into the pillow. “You gonna let me do this to you whenever I need, whenever I want?” He bit your shoulder, making you yelp.

You nodded against the pillow. “Yes.” You mumbled through his hand. You felt him laugh, even as he bit back a groan. Felix licked a stripe up the side of your next, making you tremble.

“What a fucking slut for this.” His words were sharp and angry, volatile and aimed directly at you. He pulled away to flip you over, man handing you onto your back. You couldn’t even meet his eyes, as he stared down at you as intensely as he was from the start. He smiled at you, wild and crazy. “From now on you’re my fucking whore. You don’t see nobody else, you don’t tell nobody else.” He grabbed your legs, lifting you up to line you up and pushed into you, making you arch your back.

“Felix-” He cut you off with a look. His hand coming to your mouth and shoving his fingers in, thumb brushing over your bottom lip.

“Not a word.” He shushed you, thrusting his hips harder. He moved his hands, grabbing your face by your cheeks. “Fucking fag.” He spat in your face. He slapped you, making your cheek throb under the blow. He hit that spot inside you, groaning when you clenched around him. He traded blow after blow into your face, matching the rhythm of his thrusts, grinning when you didn’t fight back but grabbed his shoulders instead, too busy trying to chase your own pleasure among the pain. Felix grunted above you, his thrusts stuttering as he shut his eyes, his last blow sliding off the side of your face before he slammed his fist into the bed next to your head.

“Fuck.” He gasped, shoving his head against your shoulder. “Fucking christ.” He pulled away from you, laughing at the wince you gave when he pulled out. He clumsily got off the bed, snatching up his clothes and putting them back on, tucking himself back into his trousers before shrugging on his wife-beater.

“Put your shit back on.” He growled, his hand on the doorknob. “Get the fuck to sleep and don’t tell anyone shit about this.”

“I ain’t gonna say shit Felix. You know me.” He chuckled, looking at you from the other side of the doorway.

“I did know you.” He smiled. “Now I know more.” He closed the door behind him, leaving you to your bed and your thoughts.


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning you left after Felix had left the house. Connie gave you a kind smile, patting your back and offering you some sandwiches. You nodded and gave her a smile, accepting some of the sandwiches before Flip rolled around in the car and picked you up.

He stared at you from the driver’s seat, eyes curious. “You stayed the night?” He gripped, your cheek, looking at the bruises on your skin, the cut on your cheekbone. He frowned at the scabbed cut, running his thumb over it. “He hit you?” 

“It’s nothing Flip.” You forced a smile at your friend, wincing when your cheeks ached. “I’m okay.”

“If he’s done anything to you. Threatening you. Hitting you. You tell me and you tell Ron.” You sighed, eyes dropping to the road.

“I can’t tell Ron shit, he’d worry, come around and bug my momma about takin’ care of me again. And ain’t you undercover, I ain’t gonna jeopardize you.” You patted his shoulder. “I won’t want y’all to worry.” He sighed at that,

* * *

 

 

It happened a few more times, Felix beating the absolute shit out of you and then brutally fucking you however he wanted. He had you come to him sometimes, but other times, most times he came by your house, smirking in your doorway when your ma was out, or he’d drop by your work and drag you into an alleyway and he’d shove you to your knees, a hand pulling on your hair until you thought you were bleeding. He even met you outside the station after you dropped food off for Felix, which gave you a heart attack because you didn’t want to blow Flip’s cover. He’d stroll up to you with that same sly smile on his face, before he would pulled you out of sight to kiss you senseless and slam your head against the wall as he pinned you in a kiss, laughing when you looked shaken after he pulled away. Sometimes you’d hit him back and you’d go at it until one of you pulled a gun on each other, and then he’d get you on your back, hovering over you to be somewhat gentle when he toyed with you before he fucked you and nipped at your skin. You never told him about your place though.

Your encounters with Felix were intense, they left your throat raw and the pit of your stomach burning. It left more than a few marks on you, your cheeks bruised, your eyes blackened, cuts from his wedding ring where he’s hit you, nothing you couldn’t handle or didn’t explicitly ask for. You were stopped by your ma a lot while leaving the house, as she cupped your cheek and eyed the marks on your face. She would murmur something to you, but you forced a smile and shrugged her off. A lot of your friends in the town were starting to give you a bit of space, seeing Felix hanging around you with his crazy smile. Most of them only gave you short exchanges, looking terrified like Felix was going to appear over your shoulder.

You confronted him about it when he showed up to your place one day, while your ma was home. You pulled him up into your room upstairs, keeping him out of sight from your mother. 

“You been scaring away my friends Felix?” You crossed your arms over your chest. “Been threatening them?”

“Just letting them and others know that you’re running with me and my boys now. No one talks to you, no one gets to you without going through me.” He poked his finger against your chest. “You’re my boy now. You belong, to me.” 

You shook your head at him, scrubbing your bruised face with one hand. “I’m not yours Felix, just because you come and fuck me and beat me and humiliate me  sometimes because I explicitly ask you to, doesn’t mean you own me.” You gestured towards the window. “That don’t mean shit out there. They’re  _ my _ friends Felix.” 

“You don’t get any friends.” He stalked towards you, grabbing your face. “Unless I let you have them.” 

You yanked your head out of his hands. “You can order me around while fucking me but don’t you ever try to control any other part of my life outside of this Felix. You don’t got shit to lose, I don’t have a fuckin cushy life like you got.”You pointed towards the window. “If this shit gets out there. They’re not gonna believe anything about you, I’ll get the shit kicked out of me for being a fag and they will probably murder me! Felix I could die and for what? Some fuck that’s just that!” You shoved him away from you. 

“No one ain’t gonna do shit to you. Not with me around.” You frowned.

“I don’t want you to protect me Felix!” You sighed, feeling tears prick your eyes for such a stupid reason. “I don’t get nothin’ out of this. I don’t wanna die for nothing.” 

“Am I suddenly nothing huh?” The look on his face was something horrible and twisted. “I ain’t nothing boy. You remember that.” He swung a punch at you, knocking you back before pulling his gun on you, shoving it under your chin. “Everything I, am doing, is because you decided to kiss me.” He spat, pressing his gun further against your jaw. 

You kicked him out after that, jaw set, your own pistol firmly pressed against his back, growling in his ear to leave your fucking friends alone, giving your ma a smile, before slamming the door in Felix’s somewhat impressed face.

You learned from Flip that he was was getting deeper into the investigation, so you kept your eyes and ears open for anything that you could’ve helped Flip with. It took a while before you actually ran into Felix after you flipped out at him, where Felix looked absolutely surprised to see you. You weren’t ready to see him either, chewing on your healing split lip as he introduced Flip to you as Ron, smiling, looking as charming as ever.

Despite not planning to see him, you spent the day with him and the rest of the men with him, sticking by Felix’s side, flinching when he placed his hand on his shoulder. as he introduced you to everyone. You sipped the drink he got you as you shook everyone’s hands, listening to them bitch about the student union that was protesting. Flip kept on giving you concerned glances, watching each hand that Fleix left to linger on your shoulder or across your back. It took a long time for the people that lingered around Felix to disperse, until Flip was the last one to watch Felix try and talk to you while you drank. It didn’t take long for Felix’s hostility to end up chasing Flip away, finally leaving the two of you to stare awkwardly at each other.

“You’re not still mad at me are ya?” You flinched when he touched the side of your face, thumb brushing over the scab on your lip. 

“Fuck, of course I’m mad Felix. You chased my friends away.” You sighed. “I don’t wanna die for a fuck.” You dropped your eyes to your drink. “You know what people’ll do. Anyone finds out anything about this, they’ll beat the shit outta me and fuckin’ murder me. Not you, not the most fuckin dangerous man in all of Colorado Springs.”

“I ain’t gonna let nobody hurt you. What kind of man would I be if I let what was mine get hurt?” You felt your lip wobble when he thumbed your lip. “I mean what I say. You, are mine.”

“I already told you. Just cause we fuck and I let you do this shit to me doesn’t me you own me.” You protested, still staring at the droplets on the mouth of your bottle.

“But you like it, and you _ like me _ .” He said matter-of-factly. You heard the thud of the bottle as he put his drink down, hand grabbing your chin to meet his eyes. “If not you would’ve walked away from this after our first night.”

“Don’t try to turn this on me Felix.” You grabbed his wrist, a smile tugging at your lips as you stepped up to him, getting in his face. “You could’ve beat the shit outta me or kicked me out. You decided to fuck me. You  _ like me. _ ”

He grabbed your chin again, smiling at you, crazy with a hint of sweetness. “Maybe I do boy, maybe I do.” He brushed his lips against your jaw. You chuckled against him, his hostility was something akin to endearing, as he ran his other hand down your side. After you stood up to him and threatened him, it was like you passed some sort of test, that made him show you more affection, made him be more sweet. He pulled away when you both heard Connie bustling about in the kitchen before sticking her head into the lounge.  

“You best head on home before it gets too late.” Connie cooed at you, smiling wide, entirely innocent. It made you feel bad that Felix was essentially having an affair with you behind her back. “Felix’ll drive you.” You smiled at her, nodding and stepping away from the wall Felix had trapped you against. He walked you out of the house, a hand on the small of your back as he walked you to the passenger side, giving you a wild smile as he walked around to the driver’s seat.

In the car, he turned the radio up, some rock station that you couldn’t recognize. You had no clue how a man like Felix was into rock, with most of his attitudes and what you did hear from Flip, he didn’t sound like the type more like the country type than anything, even if Flip did mention the man liked to drink and get high and wave his gun around like some big Alpha of the group. You smiled as he drummed his hand along the steering wheel, glancing over to you as you drove through town.

He began singing along to the song on the radio, grinning wildly at you as the chorus started up, blasting through the speakers. He moved a hand from the wheel and onto your lap, squeezing your thigh. He almost looked, content with his hand there, eyes crinkling. His smile lines looked good, on his face. You liked it when Felix smiled, no matter what the smile. He kept on singing, his hand still on your thigh as he pulled around to your suburb. By the time he’d gotten deep enough down to the first two blocks of your part of the town, three or four songs had faded out, and so had Felix’s singing. His hand was back, clenched onto his steering wheel as the sun began to set. Your neighbourhood wasn’t necessarily considered the best, and Felix looked on high alert as he pulled into your street, eyes scanning the road in front of him. You kept your eyes on the single illuminated window in your house. You sighed, your momma must’ve been waiting for you for dinner. You motioned for Felix to not pull into the driveway, sliding out of the passenger seat with a smile on your face. You heard him call your name softly, kind of smugly. You looked around, checking to see if anyone was spying through their windows, before ducking back into the car and pulling Felix in for a kiss. You felt him laugh against you and when you pulled away he gave you a wink. 

“Get on inside.” He shooed you away. You laughed and closed the passenger door, waving at him as he made a u-turn and sped out of your street. You bounded up towards your front door, turning the key in the lock and coming inside. You turned, ready to call out to your ma for waiting up when you saw Flip and Ron waiting in your living room, your ma must’ve been out then.

“H-Heya boys.” You stammered. “Flip, Ron?” You tucked your keys into your pocket.

“Was that Felix Hendrickson?” Ron asked. Your friend, looked a lot like he was about to beat your ass, mostly out of concern, but it was the kind of concern that got you concerned.

“You know that was. Flip left almost like, thirty minutes before I did?” You crossed your arms and leaned against the doorway. “He drove me home. Is there something wrong with that? It takes like an hour to walk here from his.” 

“Why didn’t you leave with Flip?” He nodded to the man, you looked at Flip, he looked sheepish, you guessed he told Ron where you were over the radio and Ron had drove down to meet him here..

“Cause Felix wanted to talk to me.” Ron stalked over to you, grabbing your cheek, looking at the mark that Felix’s wedding ring left among the bruise on your face. “He do this to you too?” He waited for you to answer. You heard Flip say your name softly. You turned to him, pulling Ron’s arm away from your face.

“If he’s hitting you we have to know. We can stop him.” 

“Oh so this is an intervention.” You sighed, weighing your options. You didn’t know what you could tell them. Ron and Flip were pretty open minded guys, maybe they wouldn’t be pissed, but this was Felix Hendrickson, you didn’t know how they’d react.

“Why’re you hanging out with Hendrickson anyway? He’s an absolute psychopath.” Ron chimed in. “Have you heard some of the things he says?"

“He’s..” You hesitated. “He’s kinda sweet Ron.” Flip straightened his back, his expression changed when you said that, something close to recognition.

“What’s that supposed to mean? How is that man even close to sweet?” Ron looked baffled at that. “How can you even say anything remotely positive about that man?”

“Ron, lemme talk to him alone for a minute.” Flip moved between the two of you, urging you towards the corridor and the stairwell. Flip cornered you, hiding you Ron’s view. He ducked his head, towering over you. “You sleeping with him?” He asked softly, his eyes were kind, no judgement in them as you realized he was giving you a chance to be honest without Ron seeing you admit it. You knew Flip for years, you both went to the Academy but you dropped out. Flip was there from the very beginning, a part of your life, an anchor in your life. You knew he probably picked up on your less than heterosexual tendencies, even if you barely flirted with guys, and maybe the subtle flirting you did with him. 

You met his eyes nodding slowly. “He’s not a bad man Flip. He just believes the wrong shit.”

“If you heard the shit I heard him say, you might think differently.” He brushed his hand against your cheek. “You let him do this shit to you. Is it some kind of sex thing?” 

You chuckled at that. It was so like Flip to get a laugh out of you even in a situation like this. “He likes it rough, we both do. I get him back too, don’t worry he’s not just beating me, he knows I won’t lay down and take it.” You admitted, with a red blush on your cheeks.

“You think you’re gonna be more than sleeping together?” You paused at that. “Cause I need to know before this investigation gets any bigger. I need to know so I can protect you if this shit show blows up.”

“I don’t know about him Flip. He acts like he gives a shit but turns around sometimes and tells me he’s not a fag. I think he’s got shit he’s dealin’ with about us. But I like him, I really do.” You put a hand on Flip’s arm. “He means something to me.” 

Flip sighed, sounding resigned, but he nodded and moved away from you, letting you move back into the kitchen, following behind you. “We can let him stay close to Felix. He can help us by keeping Felix distracted.” He paused, eyeing your cheek. “Besides, if he stops seeing him, Felix might get antsy and it could fuck with me getting more info on the Klan.”

“Alright. But how do we know that Felix doesn’t know that the two of you are best friends?” Ron looked between the both of you.

“He’s never seen me with Flip outside of his get togethers. We’ll just, make some shit up, say that he approached after one, in town or something?” You shrugged. “Felix isn’t dumb but he might take the bait that, ‘Ron’ might be making more friends. Might take some suspicion off your back if they see you with a non member.” You grinned at Flip. 

“Not bad. You should head back into the Academy, finish what you started.” Flip clapped your shoulder. You paused, glancing back to the front door and then back at the two of them.

“Hold on how did you get in here anyway?” Flip smiled sheepishly, fishing what looked like your mommas spare house key from outside. You chuckled and bumped your shoulder against him.

After Ron and Flip left, the next few days were quiet, Flip and Felix came and gone from yours and your ma’s. Your bruises cleared up a bit and the Felix started bringing you around his friends more, friends from the, organization, you recognized their faces from Ron’s photos that he took. You weren’t entirely keen on his friends, a lot of them were loud mouthed and bad mouthed fags almost as regularly as they bitched and sneered about the blacks and the jews. He didn’t seem to have an issue balancing you and his marriage with Connie, and his friends.

Felix invited you to his place for poker, with a promise of beer and that he’d drive you home if it got too late. You didn’t expect Flip to come in while you were leaning against the kitchen counter, sipping a beer next to Felix, standing close next to him, his hands sneaking down to the small on your back, like he wasn’t well aware of Ivanhoe and Walter and Flip standing opposite the both of you. He interrogated Flip for a while, before tugging you towards the table when Walter groaned about wanting to play some poker.

He sat you down next to him, hooking a foot against yours as he started the game, dealing out the cards. He spent most the night downing beers and playing footsie while glancing over at your cards, laughing when you threw a chip at him once you realized. Once Flip, Walter and Ivanhoe left, Felix practically pinned you up against the door when he shut it, hands sliding under your flannel to feel you up, very obviously wasted as he pressed his lips to your jaw, a smooth laugh against your ear as he ground his hips against your own. You patted on his back and chuckled when he pulled away to press his mouth to yours. You were hyper aware of the sounds that Felix was making, way too loud to keep it under wraps. You reached up to his chest to push him away, ignoring the look on his face, the look he gave you when he wanted to eat you alive.

“Felix I gotta go home.” He pulled you closer to him.

“Lemme drive you baby, then I can get my hands on you and my dick in you at yours.” He rasped against your cheek. 

“You’re fuckin’ wasted, you ain’t driving me anywhere. I’m gonna walk home. You’re gonna sober up.” You took his face in your hands, pulling his face to yours and kissing him again, tasting the Coor’s on his lips. “I’ll call you in the morning Felix.” He looked awestruck as you pulled away from him, smoothing his hair and his goatee, before reaching around for the handle and slipping out the back door, the cold air was welcome. It cooled your cheeks, as you started the long ass walk home.


	3. Chapter 3

You were avoiding Felix. You had spent the last three days avoiding Felix and his friends, avoiding Ron, avoiding Flip and your mother. You were crashing at a friend’s place, one of the only friends you still had left after Felix had scared most of them off. They took one look at you and wanted to drive you straight to the hospital.

It happened on the way home from Felix’s three nights ago. He’d closed the door and watched you leave, you didn’t move from his street until you saw the porch light click off and you started the hour long walk to get home. Only, you barely even made it home at all. Forty minutes in, someone, a group of someone's, had come out of nowhere, spitting and kicking and punching and bringing you to the ground with your head ringing and blood dripping down your face from your nose. Your face was battered, bruised up and your nose needed setting. You couldn’t hear what they were saying, over the blood rushing in your ears, but they ran off after a car screeched down the street, leaving you to drag yourself up to your feet and limp your way to your friends.

In the end, Felix was unavoidable. You limped into work, a shift you couldn’t afford to skip on Thursday morning, doing your best to ignore the pitiful and sympathetic looks from customers and your coworkers alike. Your day was going fine until Felix walked in and spotted you, trying to hide your battered face from his view. You flinched at the multitude of expressions on his face, from shock, to concern to anger as his brow furrowed and his jaw clenched. You heard him let out a breath before he came over to the counter, eyes on the large graze on the side of your face where they pressed your head into the road. 

“Can I speak to you?” He nodded his head towards the outside.  You glanced over to your boss who was sitting on the side, he’d come out to keep an eye on you in case anyone gave you trouble. The man gave a nod to the both of you, smiling at Felix. You nodded your head slightly and slid your work apron off and slung it over the stool behind the counter before following Felix outside. He pulled you aside to the alleyway next to the shop, hands coming to touch your cheeks, the most gentle you’ve ever felt him been.

“Who did this to you?” You could feel how tense he was even though his hands were gently, brushing over the scabbed graze on your face. “Who fucking hurt you boy?” You shook your head, flinching when he tugged up your shirt, catching sight of the bruises on your body.

“I don’t know Felix.” You pushed his hand off your shirt, flinching when he slammed it into the wall on the side of his head. 

“Bullshit you don’t know! When did this happen?” You squirmed nervously, turning your head away slightly.

“They jumped me when I was walking home from yours, Sunday night.” You admitted, hearing his breath catch. “I was bout halfway home when maybe, six, seven of them, I couldn’t see who. They came outta nowhere. I couldn’t see any of em Felix.” You gasped when he brushed his thumbs over your cheeks, wiping a tear you didn’t know escaped your eyes.

“I’ll get my boys on this. Find out who fuckin’ hurt you. In the meantime I’m taking you to the station. Let them know.” You shook your head at that, protesting when he grabbed your arm to pull you along beside him.

“Nah Felix I can’t go, can’t get my ma involved.” He looked at you incredulously, before sighing. 

“We aren’t gonna argue about this boy.” He paused. “Take today off work, Connie and I will bring around some food for you and your ma so you don’t have to buy any new groceries. I’ll drive you down to the station now.” 

You nodded, knowing you weren’t going to get anywhere with Felix other than doing what he wanted. He patted your arm softly, nodding towards his car. He went inside to talk to your boss, while you waited outside. He came back out, a firm hand on your arm, leading you over to the passenger side. “Get in.   


Ron did not look happy when Felix practically dragged you into the building. The state of your face didn’t help, Ron rushing over to you and grabbing your shoulder, asking if you were okay. He searched your face, before his eyes flicked over to Felix.

“It’s okay, I’m okay.” You insisted, giving Felix a sheepish smile. “Felix brought me, he got me off work.” 

“Thank you, uh Felix, I can take it from here.” He tugged you away from the man. 

You shot Felix a look. “You’ll drop by later yeah?” You ignored the look of concern on Ron’s face as Felix nodded, smiling wide at you, your favourite kind of smile from him, one that held a promise.

“I’ll have Connie make something and I’ll bring it over.” He reached forward to pat your shoulder. “Let me know when you’re home.”

Ron spent about thirty minutes practically interrogating you about who attacked you, until he was satisfied that the answer definitely wasn’t Felix. He took your statement and submitted it, getting one of the beat cops to drive you down home, where you ended up laying low for the next couple days.

 

* * *

 

You didn’t realize your feelings for Felix were way too deep until he’d come over while you were getting better, a couple of days after he dragged you to the station, instead of a case of beer and some microwaveable foods, he brought some good cider and a tupperware of homemade food, not letting you help one bit as he plated the food and brought the cider over to your coffee table, gesturing at you to sit back down. He still gave you somewhat of a psychotic smile but it had a hint of softness, sweetness to it, as he dug into his food, sitting on the recliner next to you. You smiled at him, sitting back down and lifting the food towards you.

“You didn’t have to Felix.” You shoved the food into your mouth, practically groaning at how good it was to taste something that wasn’t takeout or microwaveable food. Felix chuckled at the moans that came from your mouth.

“I wanted to. Remember, I take care of what’s mine. And you’re my boy.” You smiled at that, ducking your head, looking sheepish. 

“People will figure it out Felix.” You murmured, opening a bottle and bringing it to your lips.

“I’ll kill them if they do.” He said nonchalantly. “I ain’t gonna let anyone find out about us.” He put his plate down and moved over to your couch, sliding an arm across your back, a gentle gesture compared to what he’d normally do to you. He took the bottle from your hand and put it onto your coffee table, leaning in to caress your cheek with the back of his fingers. 

“What about Connie?” His fingers paused on your face, he curled them slightly, touching your cheek with his fingertips. You dropped your eyes as his lips curled. 

“Connie won’t know about shit.” He snapped, fingers curling into a fist. You flinched, and he went back to gently caressing your cheek. “You and me, our secret is safe, you, are safe.”

“I’m not so safe if some fuckers can jump me on the way home.” 

You lifted your hand to your face, touching at the scabs above your eyes. Felix tucked his fingers under yours, pressing his fingers to the scabs, feeling them. His eyes changed, looking softer than you’d ever seen. He looked like he was about to say something, but instead he tilted your head and examined the scabs more carefully, hands gentle. “My boy’s got the fuckers that jumped you.” He said softly, eyes trained on your face. “Ain’t no one’s gonna hurt my boy. I won’t let them.”

“Felix?” Your fingers shook when you touched his hand. He tilted his head to meet your eyes, gently brushing his fingers down the side of your face, and then down to thumb at your lips. 

“Yeah?” He gave you a softer smile, leaning closer to you.

“Why do you care so much?” You felt your bottom lip tremble under his thumb. 

“What do you mean, why do I care so much?” His other hand stroked through your hair. He moved closer to you, pressing his chest against your shoulder. “I look after you cause you’re mine. You’re my boy.” The way he smiled at you made a blush spread across your cheeks. 

“I keep telling you, you don’t own me.” You slid your hand onto his thigh. 

“I know you keep saying that.” You heard him chuckle and lean in closer to you. “But you like it when I say you’re my boy. I can see it. You  _ like _ me.” He tapped his temple and grinned. “I can see it in your eyes. Can see it in how you don’t walk away no matter what I’ve done, how bad I’ve beaten you.” He murmured with a hand on your cheek. “You like me too much to leave, and it’s something that I don’t wanna give up.” 

He leaned in to kiss you, something that he never really did as gentle as he did. He smoothed your hair back, a smile against your lips. You brought your hands to his shoulders, sliding them across and down his arms while he kissed you. He hummed something against your mouth, arms dropping from your cheek and head, tucking them under your thighs to pull you into his lap. You winced from the man handling, but felt his hands slide up your back, trying his best to smooth away the aches. He pulled away from you, smiling up at you something wild and unbridled. You dropped your hands down onto his chest, chewing on your bottom lip as your hands fiddled with the buttons on his shirt. You slowly started to unbutton his shirt, breathing heavily when he slid his hands up your arms. 

Once his shirt was unbuttoned he stilled your hands at his sides, before he gently and entirely out of character began to open up your shirt. When your shirt fell open, showing off the ugly bruises from your attack, you heard him growl somewhere deep in his chest, hands immediately sticking to your skin, light as they wandered over the bruises on your body. “Fuck, baby.” You paused. It was the first time he’d called you by something other than your name, or boy. He shuffled slightly, propping himself up better, leaning in to mouth at your jaw and throat, gentle and soft, as his hands trailed down your sides. “Can’t believe I let em hurt you.” He murmured into you ear. “Shouldn’t have drank that night, should’ve drove you home, made sure you were safe.”  It didn’t, sound like Felix, who was lamenting to you, who was essentially apologizing to you as he kissed you while his hands stroked your sides. Felix was all growls and bites, harsh words with only a hint of softness and affection to them.

Your fingers curled at his sides, you felt your shoulders shake slightly, tucking your head down against his shoulder, tears dropping onto his shirt as he whispered into your ear, promising to keep you safe. As he slid his arm up your back, he seemed to notice your shaking shoulders and he paused. “Baby?” He sounded so worried about you. You pulled away from him, forcing a smile despite your tears trailing down your face.

“What’s wrong? I’m not hurting you am I?” He cupped your cheek, thumbing your tear tracks. You chuckled wetly, trying to catch your breath. Your chest ached for no reason, as you smiled at him.

“No, fuck no Felix you’re not.” You sniffled. “Fuck this is stupid.” You leaned in to kiss him, ignoring the sting of your lip as you clutched his face, pressing your lips as hard as you could to his. Felix’s hands were still on your back, clutching onto the fabric of your flannel. You pulled away from him, still smiling as tears ran down your face. “You never called me that shit before.” You laughed, before scrubbing at your cheeks with the back of your hands, wiping away the tears. “I feel so stupid crying about it but, I’m starting to feel like I mean something.” You heard Felix chuckle in front of you. When you lifted your eyes to meet his. He had that look back on his face, a smirk, but it was filled with sweetness and affection.

“I don’t just look after anyone baby.” There was that word again, that nickname again. “You’re my boy, you definitely mean something to me.” He nudged your uninjured cheek with his nose, kissing your jawline. “I’ll make you a promise, you mean a lot more to me than you know.” You pressed your cheek against his, sliding your arms around his shoulders. He went back to kissing your cheek and jaw, making his way to your lips. He leaned forward, showing off his strength by lowering you to your back with ease, hovering over you with his shirt hanging, trailing against your stomach, tickling you. He carded his hand through your hair, eyes gentle as he leaned in to press a kiss to your forehead, and then down your face, neck and chest. His usually slicked back hair flopped forward and trailed your skin. You arched your back, arranging yourself on the couch when he settled himself between your legs, his mile softer, kinder. 

“Let me take care of you baby.” 

* * *

 

Felix was almost always at your house for at least a few hours a day while your ma was out with her book club and church friends and what not. He barely gave you warning before coming in with his own key, which he asked you if he could make. It felt incredibly domestic that Felix of all people would be in your house, helping you clean up and would get your laundry started for you. He never cooked though, not that you minded, living with your ma taught you enough to make dinner for the both of you when he offered to stay the night.

You wondered a lot, about how Felix wasn’t asked questions about where he was or who he was with, and as much as you wanted to ask, you didn’t want to push. He would sling himself into the recliner and smile up at you while you played housewife, and brought your dinner down to your coffee table for the both of you. If he stayed the night you’d be up before him, getting breakfast ready. In that time you learned that Felix snored like a kitten when he slept, and he gravitated towards your blankets and stole them whenever you slipped out of bed. He liked it cold but refused to share your blankets. You knew he liked his toast barely brown and hollandaise sauce practically drowning his poached eggs, he took his coffee black and he had at least two cups before he could bring himself to function in the morning. You knew Felix was always carrying, that he always had a pack of smokes and a lighter on him, that he always ket his hair slicked back if not it would fluff and fall over his face in a fringe and get in his way.

Between your time with Felix and work, you were preoccupied with Flip and Ron calling you to the station for a talk, debriefing you about the investigation since you’d gotten yourself caught up with Felix. Flip kept asking you about him, what he did all day, if he told you anything about the Klan, about what he thought of him. You couldn’t really answer him, Felix essentially kept you as far from the guys in the clan as much as possible, didn’t let them talk to you.

 

* * *

 

Flip ended up coming to you one night, around two in the morning, knocking on your door while your ma was out and, to your horror, Felix was dead asleep in your bed. You crept downstairs in your jeans, poking your head out the door and leaving it slightly ajar. You shooed Flip down the stairs of the porch slightly, doing your best to hide any view from inside the house in case Felix woke up and came downstairs looking for you.

“Flip what the hell are you doing here!” You hissed at him before shivering when a breeze blew past.

“I came down to talk to you about something in the case, can I come inside?” You shook your head, a hand planted firmly on his chest. 

“Felix is here Flip, you need to get going, now, before he comes down looking for me.” You glanced over your shoulder, thankful that he wasn’t already standing there to give you a heart attack. “Go Flip. I’ll call ya in the morning when he’s gone, just don’t get busted out here by him.” You glanced over your shoulder again, Felix still wasn’t behind you, but you figured he might have woken up, he was a pretty light sleeper. You shooed Flip away, closing the door and spinning around, letting out the breath you were holding. You slumped against the door to catch your breath, hand on your chest. You snuck into your room, letting out a sigh of relief when it looked like Felix hadn’t moved, you crawled into bed trying to to wake him when you felt him shift.

“Why’d you have to answer the door?” He sounded wide awake. You froze, hands dropping the covers you were lifting over your body.

“Heard a knock, thought it was maybe someone who needed help.” You shrugged, turning to look at him. He had an eyebrow raised.

“So, did they need help?” You sighed. 

“No, they were some randoms asking bout some shit or another.” You rubbed your arms, still feeling cold from the breeze. “I told them to fuck off because I was cold as shit down there. Forgot to grab a shirt.” 

 

He didn’t say anything for a bit, before wrapping an arm around you and pulling you close. The idea that maybe Felix just looked out the window and saw Flip’s car crossed your mind and you tensed in his hold for a second. He made a questioning noise and you patted his hand, forcing yourself to relax. “I’m fine, just still cold Felix.” He rubbed your arm and pulled the covers over the both of you. You turned over to tuck your face against his chest,.


	4. Chapter 4

Felix invited you to the fancy lunch that he and his boys were supposed to attend, that you knew Flip was going to attend. That you knew David Duke was going to attend. You were invited as his assistant, or at least, that’s what it sounded like when Felix introduced you to David Duke, what you knew was the Grand Wizard for the Klan.

Mr Duke shook your hand, eyes curious on you as Felix kept his hand on the small of your back. When you were mingling, talking to the people Felix had introduced you to, to keep you busy when you saw Felix whispering to someone, watching Flip and Ron. Lucky enough the lunch was mostly simple, you were seated next to Ron, just on the other side of Flip, you, Mr Duke was a polite individual and Felix kept you mostly out of the conversation by interrogating Flip until a waiter came into the room asking for him. You met Flip’s eyes across Felix’s empty seat, and he gestured at you to get out of the room. You excused yourself from the table, giving a nod to the men sitting before making your way out, eyes glancing as you walked passed Felix on the phone.

You leaned against the building outside, eyes hidden behind sunglasses as you watched Felix leave with his boys in what looked like a hurry. Flip came out a few seconds after, grabbing you by the arm. Flip dragged you with him after Ron, pushing you towards the passenger’s side seat, and after Felix and Ivanhoe and Connie. You showed up maybe a couple seconds after everything went down, Flip ran towards Ron, who was getting beaten by a few uniformed cops. You were distracted, by the flipped car that was burning. Felix’s car.

You ran over to the flaming car, around to the driver's seat and peered into the car, seeing Felix unconscious, blood on the side of his face. You scrambled to pull him out, you grabbed his shoulders, pulling yourself down to try and wiggle him out of the seat, wincing when the flames licked at your coat. You managed get him out of the car, wiggling his body from the drivers side window. You couldn’t tell if he was still breathing, you desperately clutched at his hand, fingers trembling as you heard Connie yelling for Felix. You tilted the side of his face, fingers pressing against the side of his neck, trying to find a pulse. You grabbed his arm, pulling it to you and trying to find a pulse, gasping when you found one. 

“Flip! He’s alive!” You wrapped your arms around his shoulders and pulled him away from both the burning wreckages. You stared down at him, thumbs brushing over his cheeks just like he did to you, gently patting his cheeks. “C’mon Felix don’t do this shit to me. You ain’t supposed to be the one at risk of dyin.” You whimpered when he groaned. “Felix please!”

Flip had to drag you off of him so that the paramedics could get to him when they got there, wheeling him off to the ambulance. You chewed on your bottom lip, eyes watching the ambulance retreat. 

“Hey hey, are you okay?” You heard Flip murmuring into your ear.  Flip turned you to face him, as your gaze dropped onto the blood that was slick on your hands. You felt your heart in your throat, turning your hands over to make sure that you were real. The blood dripped off your hands and onto your jeans. Your eyes burnt and you pressed your face into Flip’s chest, using it to stifle a sob

“He can’t die Flip. Felix can’t die.” You heard him make a noise above you, tucking his hand through your hair and cradling the back of your head.

He shushed you slowly, rubbing your back with his free hand. Your blood covered hands left smears on his shirt where you clutched at it, overwhelming the obvious tear marks when you pulled away. You tried to form words, explain why you were there, why Felix was so important to you. “You’re in shock.” He stated, Flip was giving you an out, a reason to not talk, grabbing you and hauling you to your feet, bringing you over towards his car as Ron walked over to the both of you with Patrice. Ron looked at you nervously. They brought the both of you back to the station to take a statement, Flip got a shock blanket out of somewhere for both you and Patrice once you were in the building, and he wrapped it around your shoulders before leaning you against his desk. “You okay? I didn’t expect you to go fishing Felix out of his car.” 

“He’s a good man Flip, despite how crazy he is.” You couldn’t meet Flip or Ron’s eyes as you said it. “He wasn’t so bad.” Flip wrapped his arm around your shoulder, hugging you close to his chest, rubbing your arm.

“Felix is crazy, he pointed a gun at Flip’s dick and threatened to kill him.” You gulped as Ron spoke. “Besides, all evidence pointed to Felix being the mastermind of this, if he survives, he’s going to do a hell of a lot of time for this stunt.” 

  
  


* * *

 

 

It was maybe, two weeks since Felix was taken away to the hospital, his blood slick on your hands. You spent a few of those days in your own apartment, somewhere which didn’t have any essense of Felix anywhere, waking up in cold sweat and seeing his blood still on your hands. Flip had taken to coming to see you, the only other person alive who knew about your place. He would boil some water, get some tea going, kept you updated on Felix’s condition in hospital and about the case. It took a while to work up the courage for you to even leave the place most days. You finally decided, after another visit from Flip, that you had to go see Felix.

You think maybe you’re the only one who bothered to visit Felix. Nurses, doctors and even the police that were posted outside his hospital room as guards were surprised that you even came up to his room. You gave them a nod before you entered, you knew from the nurse you spoke to that Felix was conscious, that he woke up the day before. You took a deep breath, eyes on his bed. The side of his face looked worse for wear, you realized, he might’ve been sticking his head out the window when the bomb went off. He shifted when your boots clicked on the bright tile, his eyes flicking open and he tried to sit himself up. You shook your head, stepping over to the side of his bed and lowering him back against his pillow. 

“Hey, don’t try to strain yourself.” You pulled up a chair to his bed, hand on the edge of his bed.

“Why’re you here?” He didn’t look at you, eyes trained on his hands in his lap.

“Why wouldn’t I be here?” You tried to reach for his hand, but he snapped to glare at you. You pulled your hand away, holding them up. “Felix why wouldn’t I come see you.” 

“Cause you’re them cop’s friends. Cause I ain’t no faggot and, and I ain’t no race traitor.” You stood, pushing your chair back, eyes narrowed at him. “I didn’t want you coming here and I didn’t want to see you.” You scanned his face, well aware of the non-existent heat behind his words. They sounded as hollow as empty as you felt when you heard them. You ran a hand through your hair, taking note of how his face looked, angry, red and twisted skin across one side of it.

“Yeah fuck you too Felix.” You sighed, looking around the room. “Tell the person who dragged your fucking ass from the fire to fuck right off, yeah.” You pushed the chair back to where you pulled it from, spinning on your heel and heading for the door.

“What do you mean?” He sounded softer, he sounded more like the Felix that called you baby when you were beat up. You stood in the doorway, hand lingering on the door frame. You let out a breath, turning to look at Felix, whose eyes were wide and trained on you.

“Who do you think dragged you out of your car huh?” You bit your bottom lip. “You may have tried to kill Patrice but fuck if I wasn’t gonna let you die, not after everything we’ve done, everything we’ve been.” You felt your lip wobble, and your cheeks twitch as you scratched the back of your neck. “Flip, he dragged me along with him. When he was helpin’ Ron, I pulled you from… from the car while it was burning.” His expression softened when you explained the whole thing, even if his fists were clenched in his lap.

“I wasn’t gonna let you die Felix.” You said softly. “I came to… I don’t know why I came. I guess I didn’t think. Sorry for wasting your time Felix.” You turned to leave. He said your name, soft, gentle. When you didn’t move, he said it again, firmer.

“Don’t go.” It sounded like a statement but you knew he was asking. It was his way of pleading with you when he needed something from you. He needed so he said it instead of asking. You dropped your hand from the doorframe, peeking outside for a second before closing the door to the room, clicking the lock and rushing over to him, practically throwing yourself onto the side of his bed to lean in and kiss him, a hand coming up to caress the uninjured side of his face. He moved the hand that was clenched as a fist to cup your cheek. When you pulled away you saw him wipe at his face with his other hand.

“I’m glad I didn’t lose you.” He looked so small as he hunched his shoulders, a contrast to the man that you saw during Flip’s initiation and the lunch. “You knew about what I was, and you stayed.”

You let out a strained chuckle. “It was you.” When he looked at you confused, you began to explain. “The same you that hates the blacks and the jews, that believes in all the hateful shit, is the same you that brushed my tears away and took care of me when I needed it. If I wanted one part of you, I had to take the other half, even if I didn’t believe in it.” Felix looked so conflicted, at the idea that you couldn’t believe what he believed in. What he almost died for, and that you would stay with him anyway, still trust him, still possibly entirely love him. You went over to the door, unlocking it in case one of the officers decided to check in. You pulled up a chair to the side of Felix’s bed, watching as his eyes looked at everything but you, like he was trying to figure something out. You knew that it was entirely possible, that the time you both spent together would never change his opinions. 

“You know my daddy’s black.” You said to break the silence. Felix’s head snapped up, looking even more confused, somewhat horrified as he scanned your face. “I got lucky,” You didn’t give him a chance to say anything. “He fucked off before I was even born, just a one night stand for my momma, and I got all her genes, all the good things. You wouldn’t be able to tell.” You rubbed your palms together, nervous. “Which was why I never told you, whenever you said shit about them, talked about killing them, it made me realize that you were also talking about killing me.” 

“I couldn’t” He gasped, reaching for one of your hands. You pulled the chair closer to his bed, leaning over to stroke the sides of his face. You lightly traced over the angry skin on his face, pulling your hand away when you saw him flinch.

“Sorry.” You dropped your hands to his, holding both of them gently. The silence that was there earlier came back, enveloping the both of you.

“Your cop friends are gonna make me do time aren’t they?” He asked softly, lifting his eyes to meet yours. 

You sniffled, rubbing your eyes on your shoulder. “It’s gonna be a long time Felix. Connie’s gonna be doing time too.” You told him, rubbing your thumbs over the backs of his hands. “Flip did his best to keep me out the spotlight, the cops ain’t gonna know about us or whatever we are, it’ll save you some grief on the stand. You might get somewhere around thirty, twenty five years.”

“Why would he help?” You leaned closer to him, propping your elbows onto his bed. He curled his fingers around yours.

“Cause Flip’s my best friend Felix. I went to the Academy with him. You mean something to me, so he’s gonna try his best to help me.” You kissed his fingers, taking a deep breath. “Felix there’s the possibility, I won’t be allowed to see you. I wouldn’t have rights to do it.” 

“Wouldn’t that be for the best?” He sounded so hollow, holding your hands.

“Felix, Felix no don’t say that.” You slipped off the edge of your seat. “Felix please, don’t say that.” 

“I have too. You were right from the start, we ain’t nothin out here.” He pulled his hands away from yours. “I’m goin away but you’re still gonna be out here, I ain’t gonna let you live your life waiting for the possibility I’m gettin’ out, when I’m gonna be old as balls and you’re gonna miss out” You grabbed his hands, gripping them.

“No don’t you fuckin’ dare.” You tucked your fingers against his palm. “I’m supposed to be your boy! You can’t just drop me.” You felt your eyes start to burn, fingers shaking. “Don’t do this to me Felix. Don’t end  _ us. _ ” You swallowed the budding lump in your throat. “Please Felix?”

“Get on outta here.” His voice was determined, eyes glaring at you, burning with something fierce as he yanked his hands out of your grip. You let out a small whimper, getting to your feet, rubbing at your eyes. “We’re done. For good.” 

* * *

 

Twenty. That’s how many years they gave Felix. You were in the courtroom when his face twisted around to look at you, eyes wide, like he regretted ever telling you to never try and see him again. Flip and Ron were sitting a couple rows ahead of you, well aware of the way you clutched onto your coat, chewing on your bottom lip as the guards escorted him out of the room. From what Flip told you, you weren’t even going to be allowed to see him once he was processed, he was considered a high priority in the system, because of who he was, because of  _ what _ he was.

Flip took you home, your hands trembling with your key, struggling to fit it into the lock. Flip took it from your hands, unlocking your door and leading you inside, dropping the key into the small rattan basket that you kept on the shelf next to your door. He sat you down on your couch, scanning the messy and unkempt apartment. “How long’s it been since you cleaned?” He ducked into the kitchen, your doorways were just a little too low for him. You could clear him clamber around the kitchens looking for groceries. He poked his head out the kitchen, seeing you just sitting there staring at a spot on the wall.

“Hey.” He sat down next to you, a hand on your forearm. “What’s wrong?” He paused. “You’re thinkin’ bout Felix, aren’t you?” He squeezed your arm, before wrapping his around your shoulder.

“I don’t wanna give him up Flip, but I got no choice. He dropped me Flip.” You sniffled, before rubbing your nose. “It ain’t fair.” 

“Life ain’t fair.” He ruffled your hair affectionately, something he used to do when you two were a little younger and more hopeful and in the Academy. “You’ll find someone like him, someone who’ll treat you like he did.” He patted your back. “Maybe with less of the beatings?” He gave you a small smile.

You chuckled at that, touching your cheek, where you knew the small scar from his wedding ring was. “He wasn’t so bad.” You admitted. “He got sweet after a while, promised me things, so many things Flip, he was...” 

“You’ll find someone else, there’ll be other Felix’s.” Flip thumbed your cheek, tilting your head to look at him. “You’re a good guy, anyone would be lucky to have you. I can take you to a place I know, introduce you to some people.” You let out a sob at that, dropping your gaze.

“I feel so damn stupid.” You chewed on your lip. “Thinkin’ I could even be with someone like him, especially with someone like him.”

“Hey, there’s nothing wrong with wishful thinking. Besides, I saw him with Connie, I saw bits of him around you. He looked like he really loved you.” You sat up straighter at that fingers grazing over the scar on your cheek.

“He told me to move on. Or at least, it’s what it sounded like.” You stood, walking over to your kitchen and rummaging through the fridge, pulling out a tupperware, one of Connie’s tupperware’s with some lasagna that you didn’t want to leave at your ma’s house. “He told me that I shouldn’t wait for him” You slid it into the microwave, turning to look at Flip. “He broke it off for me.” Flip stood up and made his way over to you, placing his hands onto his shoulders.

“Then he did it because he cares about you.” You felt his hand on your cheek, right over the scar that Felix left on your face. “Felix cares about you. But now you gotta live your own life, learn more things, find new people.” 

Flip was doing his best to cheer you up, and he did take you out, took you to see new people, to a bar where he paid for his drinks and yours, where introduced you to blond men with brown eyes and goatees that reminded you of Felix, maybe they were his attempt of trying to help you get over him, but when you took them home or kissed any of them, they all felt wrong. 

You told Flip as much, how they didn’t feel right, and maybe you were just too deep into Felix to ever like anyone else. Flip gave you a semi sad smile, called the bartender over for another drink and slid it across to you, that smile on his face burnt into the back of your brain. After a few to many drinks, Flip had to carry you out. You didn’t want to go home with another brown eyed blonde with a southern accent that was all wrong. And you told Flip just that, clinging to the front of his flannel as he loaded you into his truck. 

**Author's Note:**

> Also despite the violence, Reader is implied to also get off on humiliation and getting knocked around so if this isn't your thing, there were warnings.


End file.
